I'm tired of pretending but terrified of it ending
by obsessive16
Summary: Inspired by song called " Never Let it End" Because I'm still not over the fact that at the end of Tavolo Bianco Pike opened the door.
1. Chapter 1

Today's case was really difficult for her . Since she was dating Pike tension between her and Jane was overwhelming . Teresa had no idea if moving to DC with

Marcus was a good decision, but sh couldn't wait any longer. She was aware that her relationship with agent Pike got serious too soon like if she wanted to

run away from something as soon as possible.

Pike just left her bathroom. He was wearing jeans and black t-shirt. His hair were still wet. The truth was Marcus was really attractive but it wasn't enough.

" _Are you leaving ?"_ She surprised herself with her disappointed tone.

" _Yeah, I got a call from work. We've got new case. I really have to go. Sorry Teresa"_

She could tell that he was being honest. They were supposed to spend this evening together and he hated leaving her alone like that. He was amazing,

lovable , he was a real keeper. Lisbon felt safe with him and she hated herself for being unable to love him. He was a full package but she preferred

blonde,damaged one. She still had hope that one day she will wake up in love with Pike. After all he was a good man and he deserved it. He kissed her

forehead and left .

Lisbon poured herself a glass of wine and took a small box from her closet. It was full of letters from Jane. Yeah, she kept them..all of them. She knew all of

them by heart but it didn't matter ,they gave her hope that maybe Jane had feeling for her.

" _I'm sorry for everything Teresa"_

" _I wish you were here"_

" _My house has an amazing view. You would love it:_

" _You have no idea how much I miss you "_

With every new letter she could noticed how fast he's becoming a new, better person. Without this darkness he seemed happy. She wanted to believe that he

was writing from the bottom of his heart.

She was reminiscing again , how much they went trough for a decade in CBI. He's always been the closest person for her. She'd do anything for him,even when

consequences could destroyed her carrier and life. She was ready to go and kill Red John just to be there for him.

Lisbon thought that universe must hate her today. Her radio stopped playing jazz music and started to play " More than Words"

" _I used to love this song"  
_

" _You love this song"  
_

" _Yeah"  
_

" _Obviously you want to dance"  
_

" _With you? No ! " ._

She will never forget when they danced together for the first time. It was really special, intimate

moment for her. Her journey into the past was interrupted by a door bell. She hide the box under her couch and went to check who came to her so late. It was

Jane with takeout food.

" _Hey"_ she smiled at him. Universe was laughing at her and tried to show her that by moving away she

will make the biggest mistake in her life.

He smiled warmly when he met her gaze . Jane seemed stressed to her.

" _Hey. I brought cannoli "_

" _Great, I"m starving. "_ she said at let him inside.

" _Where's Pike? "_ He asked , there was a touch of hesitation in his voice.

 _"Out, at work"_ she explained , Lisbon didn't want to talk about her fiance, not with Jane.

He seemed relieved. They came to the kitchen . He took off his jacket and rolled up sleeves in his

shirt.

" _Sit Teresa . I'll prepare it "_

He was always such a gentleman. Since day one. Lisbon decided not to fight with him about it this

time and she just sat on one of the kitchen cabinets. She couldn't stop admiring him, she should though. It wasn't fair ..but Lisbon decided to stop thinking

about Pike for now and enjoy time shared with her best friend. It was one of their last nights together, last meal, last movie.

Everything was coming to an end and it was really painful.

" _Stop staring at me and make some tea."_ he look amused by the fact that she was watching him in silent for over 10 minutes. Lisbon laughed and stabbed him

playfully with her elbow. She wanted to make some tea but she realized that she has no idea where she kept it. After living here

almost 6 months she was still lost sometimes.

 _"Bottom cabinet, on the left"_ he whispered but she heard him perfectly.

She couldn't help but laugh.

" _Thank you very much, I would be helpless without your memory palace"_

" _How many times I have to say that sarcasm doesn't suit you at all? I'm sure you will be fine_

without me in DC. Don't worry " she could say that he's being dishonest.  
 _  
"Don't be like that"_ she asked.

They didn't even noticed when they moved her conversation to Lisbon's salon .

"What do you mean by that?"

he asked her harshly

She couldn't remember when was the last time when he wasn't nice for her.

" _You said that you're okay with me leaving and that you're happy for me"_ She wasn't sure if she was

trying to remind him about that or if she was trying convinced herself .

He came closer, she noticed that he smelled amazing as usual. Like tea and ocean. It made her a little

dizzy.

" _What if I changed my mind? I don't want you to leave. Stay here. With me"_

Those couple words made her life even more complicated . Couple seconds, couple words changed

everything


	2. Chapter 2

She didn't know how she should react . Teresa felt conflicted, part of her wanted to kiss him but the other part wanted to slap didn't do anything, she

couldn't move or breath properly.

After couple seconds she moved away from him for couple inches.

" _Teresa, say something please"_ for the first time in his life silent felt uncomfortable.

Lisbon was trying to stay calm and think rationally .

" _Why now? You had almost 6 moths , you could say it even before I met Pike"_

That wasn't the best thing to say but she couldn't came up with anything was looking at

him , waiting for an answer . She could see that he was scared and nervous.

" _I was hoping that you won't go with him. Stupid .. I know. I was living in denial. I didn't say_

 _anything earlier because I wanted to gained your trust again , rebuild what we had two years ago._

 _If you still want to go with him, it's okay. I know if I wouldn't come here I'd regret it for the rest of_

 _my life"_

She wanted to cry so badly . She couldn't remember when was the last time when she felt so helpless.

" _What are you trying to say ? Jane, stay with me is not enough "_

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at him.

" _I'm trying to say that he idea of coming to work and not seeing you makes me wanna drop to my_

 _knees. I can't imagine my life without you Teresa. I love you but I'll understand if you will go to DC_

 _with Pike. He's good for you. I'm broken , I lie and I trick people to avoid the truth of how I feel but_

 _the truth is I love you so much and it scares me."_

She realized that her cheeks are getting wet, she was crying. She wasn't sure if it was because of

happiness of her helplessness .

" _What do you want me to do ? You know that I feel the same way about you but we missed our_

 _it's too late Jane, it's too late."_

She could swear that she heard his heart breaking into million pieces. Jane was trying to stay strong

but he couldn't stop his tears anymore.

" _Maybe, I understand. You have no idea how good it felt to say it out loud. You deserved too hear it._

 _Well, I hope you will be very happy in DC"_

He came closer and wiped her tears with his thumb.. He kissed her forehead.,before he left he'd smiled warmly at her.

When he was gone Lisbon started crying. She was crying for almost ten minutes, she even had a

problem with breathing for a moment. All her doubts became even more overwhelming. Lisbon knew

that what happened today didn't go in the way it supposed to. She decided to quit crying, she took her

keys and go to her car. She went to one place when she could start resolving her problems.

Hmm where did she go ? ;)


	3. Chapter 3

Jane didn't know what to do or where to go. He didn't expected rejection but subconsciously he knew that she did good. She deserved to be with someone

decent but he wanted to believe that no one will love her more than he did.

He was driving around the town for couple minutes. It was the middle of a night so he didn't know what to do.

He grabbed his phone and he called Abbott. For the first time in years he found a true friend. CBIteam was his family but his relationship with Abbott was

different.

They were in similar age , they were getting along really well.

" _Abbott"_ His voice was sleeppy, Jane differently woke him up.

" _Hi. It's Jane. I know it's late but I really need a friend."_ Dennis noticed something weird..bad in his voice.

" _Sure . The door will be open. Just come in , I'll wait in the kitchen"_

" _Thank you Dennis"_ he hanged up and went to his friend's house.

Denis was waiting for him, sitting in his robe and drinking coffee.

" _You look like crap Jane"_ he commented.

" _Thanks"_ he forced a smile.

" _Sit down"_

They were sitting quietly for couple minutes.

" _I took your advice "_ Jane decide to broke the silence.

" _Which one? You know, I gave you more than one good advice. "_

Dennis was trying to cheer him up, but unfortunately he failed.

" _I told Teresa how I feel"_ He whispered.

Abbott felt a rush of excitement. He really acted like a matchmaker sometimes.

" _What was her reaction?"_ He couldn't hide his interest.

" _She told me that she feels the same way about me but it's too late for us and she's going to DC_ anyway"

Abbott has never seen him that heartbroken.

" _You're gonna think that I'm naive but I'm pretty sure that Lisbon will stay.I don't know what's gonna_ happen with you two

but I'm sure she won't go with Marcus. She's not that kind of person."

He looked at him with with his sad eyes and whispered:

" _I hope you're right Dennis "_

Lisbon was driving her car and thinking how to resolve her problem. She drove when she wanted to quicker that she thought and it

made things even more complicated. She went into the building then into the elevator.

Her goal was flour number four- art thief division. When she saw Pike through the glass door she realized that her heart was beating way too fast.

Lisbon was about to crush his life and she didn't feel comfortable about the other side it was good decision to do this now than right before their wedding.

He smiled when he noticed her. Pike looked busy with a paperwork. She sat on the other side of his desk and wait for him to look at her.

" _You look nervous and tired"_ he noticed correctly.

" _That's because I am"_ she said with a weak voice. She knew she had to be strong

.

" _What's going on Teresa?"_ he looked at her with his worried look. His eyes was the first thing which brought her attention to never knew why.

" _Oh god. I don't know how to said it so I just gonna said it"_ She looked at him and she knew right away that he already knew what she wanted to say.

" _Okay"_ he said with a sad voice.

" _I can't go with you to DC "_ Lisbon saw that it crashed him but he didn't look surprised.

" _Is it about Jane?"_ he always suspected something.

" _Yes, no..partly . But also because you're a good man Marcus. You deserve to be with a loving woman_

 _who will appreciate how amazing you are and I can't do this to you. I wouldn't be happy there and in a result you wouldn't be happy either"_ she explained.

She's never done something like that was different with Greg. She was just a kid back then and she just run away.

Now Lisbon had to look him in the eyes and tell Marcus the truth because he deserved it.

 _"Well, I hope you will be happy someday. With Jane or some other man who will give you everything_

 _you deserve "_ he said with a weak smile.

Lisbon felt pain in her wasn't sure if she's ever met such a good person like Pike. Lisbon smiled at him.

" _Thank you, I really wish you the best Marcus"_

They exchanged quick smiles and Lisbon left because being there was getting uncomfortable.

When she was in her car she felt relieved. Now only one thing to do left. She went directly to the silver bucket.

She knocked at the door but no one answered. The door was open, of course. Jane wasn't attached to anything material.

Silver bucket was empty soo she decided to wait for him outside. She sat on one of the chair outside .

She was trying to call him but he didn't answered. It was a chilly night but it was worth too wait.

Jane spent with Dennis more than three hours. They quickly stopped talking about Lisbon and started to talk abut other things.

Jane knew that he already overuse Abbott's hospitality . Dennis was clearly getting tired but he didn't say a word.

He was a really good friend.

" _Jane I have to ask. Do you need to take some time off work?"  
_

It wasn't Jane's style. Always when we had some problems he worked even more than was scared of being all alone with his thoughts.

This time was different, something inside told him that this time it's gonna be good for him.

" _Will the bureau be fine without me for a week ?"_ he asked, smiling at his amused friend.

" _I think we will be just fine"  
_

They both laughed.

" _Well, I'm gonna get going"_ said Jane.

" _Are you sure? You can sleep her if you want to "_ Dennis proposed.

" _Noo, thank you. I already took you too much time. I appreciate that you found some time "_ he assured.

They said goodbye to each other and Jane got back to his trailer.

He parked couple meters from his silver bucket. Jane noticed someone sitting in front of it. It was small woman, dressed in sweatpants sitting on the ground.

At first he thought that he started to see things because of his sleep deprivation. When he came closer

he realized that she's really there, sitting couple inches from him. Small, tired and probably frozen because it was a chilly night. .Her hair was messy but

she sill looked beautiful.

" _Hi"_ he whispered

Lisbon looked at him, she was clearly exhausted.

" _Hi"_

Jane helped her to get up.

" _Jane we need to talk"_


	4. Chapter 4

" _Jane we need to talk"_

" _Here or inside?"_ he asked. Jane was sure she came to apologize and nothing else.

" _It's chilly but still nice. Let's talk here"_

" _You still feel bad in my trailer , huh?"_ Jane smiled at her , she was soo stubborn sometimes.

" _If by bad you mean claustrophobic then yes"_ they both laughed.

They sat on the grass, Jane covered Lisbon's arm with his jacket.

" _Thanks"_ she whispered.

They didn't say a word for couple minutes. Lisbon broke the silence.

" _Jane..what happened with us ? When you got back...it felt soo good and we were good, better than ever and then something happened. You steeped away"_

" _Well, you met Pike and I saw how happy you were with him. He makes you smile more than I do these days "_

Lisbon was heartbroken. Pike was not the only good guy there. Maybe Jane was damaged and broken

but he was a good person too and he wanted her to be happy.

" _I'm sure you noticed that he's not the one I love"_ she said

Jane looked at her with small, shy smile.

" _Yeah ?"_

Seeing him happy like that made her think that love is about making the other person happy, because

true love is not selfish.

" _Yeah Jane"_

Suddenly his face changed, he became sad again

" _Soo, why are you going with him?"_

" _I broke up with Pike... Like two hours ago"_

She was sure that she's close to having a heart attack. None of them knew what to do. Jane was scared. He was forced to forget about his feelings for couple years. He lived with a goal for more than ten years. It was always about revenge. Jane always thought about his life before Red John as his previous life. Sometimes he felt lost, or like a wicked man but Lisbon was always with him. No matter what, they were partners. Side by side, seven days a week for over ten years. Surrounded by death and darkness but there was always something light about their relationship.

Jane always smiled a lot but only because it was his mask, when he was with Lisbon his smile was honest. She always could make him smile, just seeing her was sometimes enough. They were soo different yet soo similar. Through the years they learned how to feel and read each other on a level no one else could .They were strong apart but unbreakable together, loyal to each other with desire to always stretch out a helping hand, no matter what.

" _What now?"_ he asked quietly.

She grabbed his hand.

" _Well, do you want us to be together?"_ She was scared that he will say no.

" _Of course,more than anything. I'm not sure if I can...learn how to be in a serious relationship with_

 _someone. I don't want to destroy what we have"_ Lisbon could swear that he was about to cry.

" _Why would you ? We survived serial killers, psychos, deaths and nothing teared us apart. Soo I'm_

 _pretty sure we're going to be alright , don't you think?"_ She smiled when she realized how much then

went through and that she's right. It only made them stronger. Jane knew that too , he had no reason to

be scared. He smiled at her.

" _Yeah, I think soo too. I love you and I want to give this a shot. It's out live, let's forget about saving_

 _the world for a moment and focus on our happiness for once."_

Butterflies in Lisbon's stomach gone crazy when she heard Jane using " I love you " and " **our** live" in

one sentence. She was already happy.

" _Yeah , let's do this. Be happy...together"_ It felt soo good to say it out loud.

Jane smiled at her in her favorite way and gave her a long, tender kiss. It was nothing like they

imagined, it was waay better.

They had to stop because they both forget about breathing.

"I had to call to Abbott and get back my job" she suddenly panicked. He loved her for ..no not for..in

spite of her workaholism. It made her who she was today.

" _He will be okay with it, but I think you should do what I did and take one week of work"_

Jane smiled mischievously.

" _What I suppose to do with 7 days without work?"_ she asked amused.

" _Well, I think we will figure something"_

" _Oh yeah?"_ she laughed.

They started kissing again. All of it got really intense . He picked her up in his arms and started

walking towards his trailer.

" _Are we going to the silver bucket?"_ she asked a bit discouraged.

" _Do you care?"_ He couldn't take his eyes of her. She was glad she's not standing right now because

this look made her knees very, very weak.

" _No"_ she said truthfully

" _Good"_ he started walking faster when she was kissing his neck and playing with his golden locks.

They both knew. That was it. Their second chance, their new life .


End file.
